


Where He Needs To Be

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Agoraphobia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Mild Blood, Moving In Together, Phobias, Season/Series 03, Worried Eddie Diaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 09:09:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20832944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: The tsunami hits and Buck pushes himself too far trying to keep himself and Christopher from drowning. Eddie fears for Buck and Christopher's safety after learning that they were at Santa Monica Pier when the tsunami hit.





	Where He Needs To Be

Buck's leg is killing him. Under different circumstances he might stop. But these aren't different circumstances. He can't stop swimming unless he wants to drown. Unless he wants Christopher to drown. And that is the last thing he wants. He couldn't care less about himself right now. All he wants is to keep Christopher safe. 

After losing him momentarily when the wave hit he's not about to do anything that could put him in further danger. 

So he keeps swimming. 

All he has to do is get Christopher someplace safe. That’s the only thing on his mind as he pushes himself forward. He feels relief when he sees the firetruck up ahead. If he can get Christopher on it, maybe he’ll be able to radio for help. If they’re still working. He has to hope they are.

“I’m going to hoist you up,” Buck says. “And then I need you to hold on, alright?”

“Okay,” Christopher says.

Buck hefts Christopher up on top of the truck before crawling on after him. It takes a little effort. He’s feeling pretty short of breath right now, but tells himself it’s from all the swimming and running. At least his leg isn’t hurting anymore. 

He crawls across the truck and bends over the side, reaching around until he’s able to find a radio. It’s only when he has it that he realizes he needs to figure out exactly where they are. He pulls himself back up and looks around.

He brings a hand to his chest as he tries to take a few deep breaths. It’s harder now and his chest is aching. 

“Shit,” Buck mutters. “I think I might need to lay down.”

Part of him knows he shouldn’t. He needs to stay sitting up. Stay alert. Radio for help for him and Christopher. 

“Chris,” Buck mumbles and holds out his hand with the radio in it. “I might need you to…”

“Buck?” Christopher says. A cold hand rests against his cheek. “Buck, please wake up.”

“Not sleeping,” Buck sighs. “I…”

"Buck! Buck!"

Buck blinks at him, everything is starting to blur. He knows he should stay conscious. He needs to keep Christopher safe. But it's hard. It's hard to breathe. He coughs again, harder this time. Blood coats his hand when he pulls it back. 

A wave of panic hits him. He's coughing up blood. Just like last time. That time he hadn't even been able to stay conscious. 

"I'm sorry," he whispers, coughing again. "I'm sorry, Christopher."

"Buck!" Christopher calls his name but it seems so far away now. 

Buck closes his eyes.

* * *

_This is Buck. Leave a message. _

Eddie hangs up and stares down at his phone. He wants to believe it's nothing. That Buck's phone just died or he can't get through because of the tsunami. Admittedly, it's the latter that has him worried.

"Still no word from Buck?" Bobby asks. He might appear calm but Eddie knows he's just as worried. They’ve been trying to reach Buck for almost an hour now.

“No,” Eddie sighs. “I’m starting to get worried, Cap.”

“We’ll find them. We don’t even know they were anywhere near here,” Bobby reminds him.

He knows Bobby is trying to be reassuring, but Eddie can’t stop the fear from eating away at him. If they weren’t here he knows Buck would have found a way to get ahold of him and let him know they’re safe.

“We need to focus on getting these people to safety,” Bobby tells him. “Can you do that?”

Eddie nods. He knows no matter how scared he is right now he’s still a firefighter and he still has a job to do. That doesn’t mean he’s not looking for any sign of Christopher and Buck as they search the area. Or calling Buck whenever he can hoping to finally reach him.

They’re back on solid land again, after yet another trip out in the boat searching for survivors. Hen and Chimney are standing near the truck, looking down at something.

“What do you have?” Bobby asks as they approach them.

"They found this," Hen says and holds out a wet and wrinkled piece of paper. 

Eddie takes it with shaking hands, unable to stop the gasp from leaving his lips when he sees what it is. A picture of Buck and Christopher. Taken at a photo booth on Santa Monica Pier. "They were here."

He feels like he can't breathe suddenly. Like all the air has been stolen from his lungs and replaced with tiny sharp pieces of glass that are digging into his body. Bobby is on his radio saying something but Eddie can't hear him over the sound of his heart beating loudly in his ears. 

They're here. Christopher and Buck are here somewhere. 

A hand settles on his arm and Eddie looks up, "They found someone matching Christopher's description," Bobby tells him. 

Eddie is almost afraid to ask, but he has to. He forces the words past his lips. "And Buck?"

Bobby shares a look with Athena before shaking his head. "No word on Buck yet. But that doesn't mean anything."

Eddie closes his eyes for a moment, trying to keep himself under control. He can worry about Buck and be relieved about Christopher being safe at the same time. If they found Christopher, Buck couldn’t have been too far away. 

“Take me to my son.”

They don’t drive to where Christopher is. It’s nearby and with traffic the way it is, driving would be impossible. So Eddie walks, keeping a brisk pace ahead of the others as they make their way down the sidewalk. 

He spots him immediately. His hair is wet and he’s wrapped in a bright red blanket, but Eddie would know him anywhere.

“Christopher!”

“Dad!” Christopher calls. “Dad!”

Eddie falls to his knees in front of him and scoops him up into his arms, kissing the top of his head. He can’t stop the tears from falling now that he has Christopher safely in his arms.

“I’m so glad you’re alright,” Eddie tells him.

“Buck saved me,” Christopher says. “Dad, he got sick again.”

“What?” Eddie asks, pulling back so he can see his face, which is pinched with worry. “What happened, buddy?”

"He started bleeding again," Christopher says. "From his mouth. He went to sleep and I tried to get him to wake up. He didn't." 

Eddie closes his eyes and tightens his hold on Christopher. Buck had saved Christopher but had another pulmonary embolism. Shit.

"What happened to him?" Eddie doesn't want to have to ask. He wants to be able to wrap Christopher up in his arms and take him home, away from all this. And he will. But first he needs to know.

"They took him away," Christopher says. "In the ambulance."

He looks over at Bobby to make sure he's heard, to find him already pulling out his phone. If Buck is at the hospital, surely they'll have a record of that. 

"Is Buck going to die because of me?" Christopher asks.

“What?” Eddie asks. “No buddy, of course not. Of course not.”

“He wouldn’t wake up,” Christopher says. 

Eddie doesn’t want to lie to him, but he hates seeing Christopher upset. He needs to reassure himself as well. “I’m sure they’re doing everything they can to help him buddy.”

"They have him," Bobby says. Eddie searches his face, looking for any sign of Buck's condition. He gives him a tight smile. "He's unconscious, but alive."

“Thank god for that,” Hen says. 

“I want to see him,” Christopher says.

“Bud I don’t know,” Eddie begins, only to sigh at the pout on Christopher’s face. “Fine, we can stop by and see him.”

“Thanks dad.”

If Eddie thought it was hard seeing Buck in the hospital the last two times, this is worse. He’s hooked up to a bunch of machines and the doctors and nurses are muttering to themselves, saying things like how he’s lucky to be alive. He is, Eddie knows that. 

One of the nurses sees them and smiles. “And you must be the little hero,” she says to Christopher.

“What?” Eddie asks, looking down at him confused. 

“The medics that brought him in said they were only able to find them because this one used the radio to call for help,” the nurse says.

“Buck needed help,” Christopher says.

“And he got it because of you,” Eddie tells him, kissing the top of his head. He's proud of Christopher for what he did. He saved Buck's life with that call. But imagining Christopher out there, scared and alone and trying to get help makes his heart ache. 

“He’s going to wake up, isn’t he?” Christopher asks, bringing Eddie out of his thoughts.

“The doctors are positive he will,” the nurse says. “His body just needs time to heal after what happened.”

Eddie knows Buck has to pull through. He just worries about the state he’ll be in once he does wake up.

* * *

**1 Month Later**

Buck stares down at the notice and sighs. He's not surprised. He's well behind on his rent, and as nice as his apartment manager is she still has to make money. If Buck can't pay her, it's better to get someone in here who can.

The thought of having to leave his apartment has him gripping the table hard as he struggles to take in the air he needs to breathe. It's not he's even attached to this place. He just can't leave it. He _can't_. Every time he’s thought about it he’s driven himself into a panic. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to move, or where he’d even go.

A key turning in his door startles him out of his thoughts. He expects it to be Maddie. She’s been showing up a lot lately, trying to convince him to come out. Even though he always tells him no. He knows it’s more of an excuse to check on him and make sure he’s eating. He is. He just doesn’t leave the apartment to do it. 

He’s surprised when it opens to reveal Eddie. He shuts the door, harder than is probably necessary, and makes his way across the room.

“So you do actually know how to get out of bed,” Eddie says, throwing his keys down on the counter. He turns to face Buck, and crosses his arms across his chest. When Buck only stares, he raises an eyebrow. “What? Did you forget how to speak?”

“Hi?”

Eddie rolls his eyes, “That’s all you have to say?”

“What else am I supposed to say?” Buck says. “You come storming in here, looking angry as shit for no reason…”

“You think I don’t have a reason for being angry?”

“You haven’t told me anything!”

“Maybe because you’ve kept yourself locked up here for a month, Evan, and we’ve barely seen you!”

Buck makes himself look away. He doesn’t like that Eddie is angry at him, but he’s had a damn good reason for not leaving. “You could have come to visit.”

“Yeah sure,” Eddie says. “And let Christopher see you like this? I don’t think so.”

“You didn’t have any problem with it before,” Buck reminds him. “When you insisted that I take him out. Which went really well.”

“Are you blaming me for what happened?” Eddie asks.

“Of course not!” Buck says, throwing his hands up. “We had fun before… you know. I just…” He stops and runs a hand down his face. “I really don’t see why you’re so pissed at me right now, Eddie.”

"You almost died!" Eddie yells, the anguish in his voice startling him almost as much as the tears he can see in his eyes. "Three times. Christopher had to watch you almost die twice, Buck. Do you know what that's done to him?"

"No I…"

"Of course you don't," Eddie snaps. "Because rather than using this as the reality check it should be, you're using it as an excuse to mope."

"You don't think this has been hard for me?" Buck yells. He's practically shaking now, with anger and fear and a desperation he doesn't quite understand. But he needs Eddie to. He needs Eddie to realize he's not as unaffected as he's been pretending to be. 

"I did almost die, you're right. And that terrifies me, Eddie. I am… was a firefighter. I'm used to putting my life on the line. But this feels different. I try to leave, you know? But I only get to the door before I remember everything that's happened and I can't breathe. I'm frozen. But I can't tell anyone I'm scared to leave my own damn apartment. I can't let anyone see me this weak."

He turns his head when tears start stinging at his eyes. Eddie is there in seconds, pulling him in for a hug. Buck can only hold on, tucking his head into the crook of Eddie's shoulder as his body shakes with sobs he can't contain anymore. 

"I'm sorry," Buck whispers. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset Christopher. Or you."

"It's okay," Eddie tells him, voice quieter than before. "It's okay, Ev. I've got you. I’m sorry too. We're going to figure this out."

"We need to soon," Buck says, his laugh tinged with bitterness. "I'm being evicted."

“What? What do you mean?”

“I haven’t been working, remember?” Buck says. “So I’m behind on my rent.”

“Well then that’s easy,” Eddie says.

“What?”

“You’ll move in with me and Chris,” Eddie shrugs. “That way we can work on your fear of leaving the house.”

“There’s just one problem with that,” Buck tells him.

“What’s that?”

“I actually have to leave the apartment to get to your house.”

Eddie smiles, “We’ll get you there, man. I promise.”

Buck isn’t so sure about that, but he trusts Eddie. If he thinks they can manage it, he’ll try to believe him. “So does that mean you’re going to help me pack?”

Eddie rolls his eyes, “Fine. But I’m not moving everything out of here myself. I’m calling for backup.”

Buck isn’t the least bit surprised when backup includes Bobby, Athena, Chimney, Maddie, and Hen. They don’t question why Buck doesn’t help carrying the boxes downstairs, and instead works on packing them and getting them ready. Something he’s grateful for. 

Maddie stays with him as he packs, helping him as he goes. “So you’re moving in with Eddie, huh?”

“Yeah,” Buck says. He looks over to see Maddie smirking. “What?”

“Nothing, I’m just glad you two are finally getting closer.”

“We’ve been close,” Buck reminds her. “He’s my best friend.”

“Uh huh, and now you’re becoming _closer_,” Maddie teases. “It’s only a matter of time before you…”

Buck puts a hand over her mouth when Eddie walks back into the apartment. He looks between them and raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t comment on their behavior. “Bobby, Hen, and Athena left. So it’s just us. What else needs to go down?”

“Just this box,” Buck says.

“And then Buck,” Maddie says. She looks down at her watch and sighs. “I’d stay and help you get him downstairs but I have to get to an appointment. Chimney too. I’m sure you can handle this?”

“Yeah no problem,” Eddie says. “We’ll get him out of here one way or another.”

“I am right here,” Buck reminds them. “And have legs. I can get myself downstairs.”

Buck isn’t completely sure of that considering he hasn’t left his apartment in a month, something they both know. But he still has to stick up for himself somehow.

“Of course you can,” Maddie says. She kisses his cheek and picks up the remaining box. “Call me if you need anything, okay?”

“Thanks Maddie.”

Once she’s gone, it’s just Buck and Eddie, left standing there in the mostly empty apartment. He looks around the room, not feeling all that sad about leaving this place. It’s nice, but it’s never really felt like home to him.

“I guess we should go,” Buck says.

“You sure you’re ready for that?” Eddie questions.

Buck isn’t, but he knows standing here won’t make it any easier to leave. “I guess we’ll see.”

He follows Eddie to the door, and then just stands there. This is usually as far as he gets before turning and fleeing back inside. But he’s not going to do that now. He can’t. He has to prove to himself that he can do this. That just because he leaves the apartment doesn’t mean anything bad is going to happen to him.

But on the other hand, no one ever expects to leave their apartment and be hurt. Things just happen. He knows that better than anyone.

"I don't think I can do this," Buck says, looking down the hallway. He’s seconds away from turning and running back inside. "You might have to knock me out and carry me out of here."

Eddie shakes his head and reaches out, taking Buck's hand and squeezing it gently. "No. The only way you're going to overcome this is by facing it. I just need you to trust that I'm here and I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

Buck nods and takes a deep breath. "Okay. I trust you. "

It’s hard. Each step sends a jolt of panic through him. They take the stairs, Eddie probably understanding that being stuck in an elevator will only make Buck’s fear grow. At least with the stairs he knows he can go back. But he doesn’t. He keeps walking, and is surprised to find it gets a little easier the farther they get from the apartment. He’s doing this. He’s really going outside for the first time in a month.

He blinks as they step outside and the sun beats down on them. He takes a deep breath and laughs. He’s standing on the grass outside his apartment building, and nothing's happened. He's here. He's okay. And Eddie, god he’s just there smiling at him and looking so happy and beautiful.

He surprises them both when he throws his arms around Eddie's neck and kisses him. Before Buck can even begin to freak out about what he just did Eddie smiles and grips the back of his neck. 

He leans in and brushes his lips softly against Buck's. "I'm proud of you."

“All I did was leave my apartment,” Buck says. 

“We both know how hard that was for you,” Eddie says. “You could have turned back at any moment, but you didn’t. You still haven’t.”

“You helped,” Buck tells him. “I don’t know if I would have made it this far without you.”

“You would have,” Eddie says. “So now that you’re out, what do you want to do?”

“Go home,” Buck says. At Eddie’s frown, he laughs. “Not because I’m afraid. I just think it’s time I see Christopher.”

That gets a smile out of Eddie. “I know he’ll be happy to see you. He’s missed you.”

“I’ve missed him too,” Buck says. “I’ve missed both of you. I’m sorry again for…”

“Hey,” Eddie says, cutting him off. “It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize. I just wish you felt like you could talk to me about it. I would have been here for you, you know that, right?”

“Of course,” Buck says. “But Chris needed you too. I guess I just didn’t want to burden you.”

“You could never be a burden, Evan.” Eddie kisses him softly and Buck smiles. “Now come on, let’s get home to our boy.”

_Our boy_. Buck’s heart flips at the ease of the words coming from Eddie’s lips. At the ease of all of this, really. Once he got outside, at least. Everything has been simple after that. Buck knows they still need to talk about this whole thing between them. But for now it’s easy for Buck to get into Eddie’s car and let him drive them home.

Christopher is in the living room with Carla when they walk in. He sees Buck and grins. “Buck!”

“Hey buddy,” Buck says. He walks over and sits down next to Christopher on the couch. “How are you doing?”

Christopher doesn’t answer right away. Instead he throws himself into Buck’s arms and hugs him tightly around the neck. “Better now that you’re here.”

Buck’s eyes sting at that, and he tucks his face into Christopher’s shoulder. “I missed you. I’m sorry I haven’t been here.”

“Dad said you were working on getting better,” Christopher says. He pulls back to look at him. “Are you?”

Buck looks over Christopher’s shoulder at where Eddie is standing, watching them with a fond smile on his face. As much as he knows he still has a ways to go, he can’t help but feel like he’s finally where he needs to be. “I am now.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/Comments make my day ♥  
[My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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